I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize