This dress was meant to end up on your floor
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
