It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize