Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
