I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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