somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
