Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
