Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
