they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize