thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
