when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
