Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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