There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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