When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
