I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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