drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
