It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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