her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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