So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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