They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Operation Purity has been aborted
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
