Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
