I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
