Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
