return my video game
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
