my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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