Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
