I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
