You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
