Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
