how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
