Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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