mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
