i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
