yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
