I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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