just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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