Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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