Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
