I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
