I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
