I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
