the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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