also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
