Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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