And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
