too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
