i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
