i was born a porn star she said
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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