Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
