i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
