apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
