I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
