I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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