he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so let's talk penis.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
