Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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