guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
