I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize