if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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