Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
