I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
