Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
