It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
