Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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