What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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