You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
