Plan B is the new Plan A
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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