He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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