That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
All I want is dick and wine.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
