so explain again why im purple
no
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
