Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
worst night to have a conscience
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
