this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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