I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize