I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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