i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
