just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Houston, we have a blender
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
