I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
