Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
