he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize